It is a little humbling to even admit that. There is an innocence in an artist undiscovered. Having never been compared to anything, you can fly away with your wonder of the world, capture things that you might otherwise second guess or think might be odd.
There is a balance to be found here. There is a danger, but also a discipline in being labeled "photographer" or "artist". If we have an understanding for these words then there is a model in your mind of what they should be. Because people see me as a capable photographer I have been asked to take on the job and preform a task they wouldn't ask a butcher, a plumber, or a nanny to do. In turn that has driven me to keep up and grow in a hobby that otherwise may have fallen away or grown stagnant.
However, it also makes me aware of the fact that I'm striving for something. [I'd like to clarify that growing in excellence in something is not a fault. No one would have hired a 5 year old to paint the sistine chapel. I am referring to striving for the sake of satisfying human desires and pleasing man instead of being a good steward of your gift and practicing your passion. Distinct difference in the heart.]
I find this same distinction in my heart so often with Christ. What a blessing and leap of faith it is to be called into leadership positions and be given responsibility in the church! But how dangerous it can be when we start pouring our own thoughts and understandings into our spheres of influence and responsibility. Probably even more dangerous and more common in my life, is to say what I think someone needs to hear because I feel I need to composite something (because, I mean...I'm the leader/more experienced believer/more gifted in whatever, right? That's why I'm here, yeah? [Not necessarily--and that's not how Jesus thinks of us]), rather than what the Holy Spirit has composited in my heart to share with them.
We should not do for the sake of doing, pleasing, or displaying our worth, but because we have been gifted, because we are passionate, because we have been provided discipline and opportunity.
How do we achieve that? Praise Jesus, because He cares so deeply about our hearts! About our thoughts! He wants us to maintain a raw existence before Him. But like Psalm 103 says: "for He Himself knows our frame, He is mindful that we are but dust", and has given provision for when we do not maintain a vulnerable heart before Him. His Son has crested us with a perfect character before the Lord, which credits us complete grace in this growth.
My prayer for myself of late is that I would be given and called to shoes too big for my mind to imagine I could fill. Because then I hope I will not even be able to attempt to fill them on my own.
The human imagination has great capacity, who am I to think I can satisfy a desire conjured up by that? We can't satisfy each other, but be used to nudge towards the One who can.
And ultimately if we do not call out for Jesus (but rather for other things, or each other) with our every breath, we need Him more than we are aware.
If all we do is not means for drawing closer and knowing Him better, than it is all in vain.
